Social Skills

Texts of General Interest (link)

Dr. James Manos (MD)

July 18, 2019

                             Etiquette TIPS!

Image (public domain):  A Club of Gentlemen. Painter: Joseph Highmore (1692–1780). Uploaded by the user: DcoetzeeBot. Source: Wikipedia. Link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Joseph_Highmore_-_A_Club_of_Gentlemen_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg

Preface

Nowadays, the American subculture has prevailed, displacing British courteousness. Today, all over the world, many people are 'Americanized,' adopting relatively rude or at least non-formal behavior of 'urban' (or sometimes even ghetto) style! Undoubtedly, many individuals lack good manners. Often impudence is challenging to correct when it has become a bad habit from early childhood! Rudeness is primarily a matter of family upbringing.  

TIPS for good behavior.

• You should not smoke in public and non-smoking areas.

• You should not be rude to other drivers while driving your car, which is not unusual. Brawls between drivers have sometimes ended in murders. 

• You should not shout when talking to others. Also, avoid the childish words 'bad' and 'I hate.'

• Use the words ''shall/should'' or ''need to'' instead of ''must,'' which is more imperative as if you were a sergeant in the army! 

• When you meet someone for the first time, it is rude to show intimacy and ask private questions. The same is true when it involves people you do not know well. 

• You should not gossip about others, especially your friends!

• When chatting with someone, always be polite and do not refer to contentious issues such as religion, politics, and race. You may talk about general matters such as the weather!

• You should not discuss religion with people of different doctrines, denominations, or atheists. Be respectful of the faith, atheism, or skepticism of others.

• You should not talk about politics. Not everyone will agree with your political view, so do not put people in an awkward position. Even when discussing politics, you should not say trite phrases such as "politicians are thieves." By casting their vote, the people are responsible for electing them!

• You should not make intimate questions but instead adopt a 'general speaking' mode.

• You should not interfere with others' private matters.

• Dress up stylishly, especially at work. Your outfit is the first impression you give. Your clothes should be appropriate for the circumstances. For instance, you should avoid wearing jeans at work. A white-collar outfit for office jobs would be more appropriate.

• If you are a man, you should be shaved or with your beard trimmed (unless you have a long beard) in a formal visit or at work.

• If you are a man, you should not grab your crotch publicly and avoid leg-spreading in public transportation. Some men do these subconsciously or deliberately, aiming to show their masculinity!

• When you eat at a public place or at home, you should not touch your elbows on the table and should not chew with your mouth open like an animal!

• Even with friends, avoid using slang and vulgar words.

• If you are a man, you should always be courteous to a woman showing the expected 'chivalry.' For example, you should open the car door to a woman, offer her a chair to sit in a restaurant before you sit first, etc.

• When you are sitting in a restaurant, and someone approaches your table to speak to you, you should stand up. Do the same when the 'guest' leaves your table. That is especially important when your date enters the restaurant or your home for lunch or dinner!

• Add quality to your life. For example, you may visit a theater, or concert hall, watch a documentary, or listen to good quality music instead of reveling and drinking beers. Avoid squandering your time!

• You should not use 'gender-biased language as if all people are males, but always say "he or she" or ''they''. Also, be politically correct, at least in public, even if you act!

• You should not try to impose your opinion as most people do. Talking means exchanging views with your interlocutor instead of saying a 'monologue,' your story, without letting the others speak!

• In a chat, you should not be stubborn, 'headstrong,' and absolute. Avoid getting your way, as this shows you are selfish and egocentric. Learn to listen to other opinions and respect them. Avoid persistently passing your point of view and not paying attention to what others say. Avoid speaking all the time about yourself. Often in conversations, we listen to the words ''me'', and ''I continuously," as people always refer to their own experiences and views! Also, avoid interrupting others when you talk.

• You should not monopolize the speech in a conversation. Let the others speak equally. It shows selfishness.

• You should not interrupt others when they speak, something that many do, even politicians. Let them finish first!

• Use "could you please" even with a close relative. For instance, it would be more polite to say, "Mother, could you please bring me a glass of water?" In the above example, when your mother brings you a glass of water, you should say to her, ''thank you!'' 

• Say "thank you" for a gift or a gentle gesture.

• You should not try to park your car everywhere, even in inappropriate places. Prefer a parking lot.

• You should not take someone else's place when standing in a line in a public place like a public utility service or a bank.

• You should not brag about your ancestors, hometown, race, financial status, etc. Remember that you cannot take your fortune together when you leave this vain world!

• You should not be biased about your country, and you should not be historically inaccurate.

• Confucius said, ''don't do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you!'' It is an excellent social skill! 

• Be polite with others because this is a good reason for them to behave accordingly!

• In a conversation, you should not need to 'report' everything you watched on TV or came across on the internet, as often these are of little interest or low quality.

• You may often need to analyze people to guess their real intentions, as they may not mean what they're saying! Many times, someone may show courtesy even when they do not mean it. For example, someone may say, "Whenever you want, you can call me/ come to my house for dinner." 

• You should not judge others behind their backs. "Do not judge, and you will not be judged!" 

• If you have a dog, be careful when emptying its bowels on the street or at the park to collect the stool in a plastic bag and dispose of it in the trash.

• When buying or adopting a dog or kitten, you should not dump it on the street when you or your children get bored of it as if it were a toy.

• You should not spit on the street, as people of some cultures do.

• You should not speak negatively about colleagues to degrade them. Show respect and subtlety.

• Let an expert guide you before you become a self-expert! Today, everyone has an opinion about everything, especially by usually reading biased or low scientific quality information on the web. 

Epilogue

Always be polite to others. Even if this is an excellent performance! You should not treat others the way you do not like to be treated.

Importantly, be subtle!

Thanks for reading!